Today I was browsing over some prom dress websites since it's that time of year. I love looking at the current styles and have my own personal faves.
Funny thing is, I really don't know how many parents help their daughters pick prom dresses. Personally, I NEVER wanted my mother's input. I felt for sure she would pick out a pink, frilly thing with lots of ruffles. Blech! That was not my idea of an ideal prom dress. Actually, she didn't have any input because she didn't contribute one red penny to my dress fund. It was tough for me financially, yet it gave me total freedom on whatever style I chose. I was not bound by the, "I'm paying for this, and I do not approve of this style so it's not going to happen."
I was FREE! Nowadays, I don't know if this was a good or bad thing ;) . As a person who can alter dresses, I find that parental input is crucial on style choices. More specifically, crucial if they're looking at the "big picture" so to speak. Get beyond the mindset that, "This is my gorgeous daughter, and she will look good in anything she tries on!"
Maybe she does, and maybe she doesn't. Therein lies part of the problem. When girls go to prom dress shops or to the mall and try on dresses, they're picking by style and size. Sometimes I'm not exactly sure what they see in the mirror. It's almost as if they're just seeing the dress and not how their body fits into the dress. One of the first sins of prom dress shopping is to go with their friends. Friends typically are very positive. Very few will say, "That's a great dress, but it looks awful on you!" Really, I can't blame them because they want to keep their friend, right? :)
My daughters always took me along for prom dress shopping. I really didn't want to go as I loathe any type of RTW shopping, even for prom dresses. I'm the mom that admittedly hates going to the mall and shopping for clothes. I was not blessed with the shopping gene which is fortunate for my husband but unfortunate for my girls. Therefore, when I finally get to the shop, I'm already grumpy. I'm looking to pick a dress apart. My girls tried on various prom dresses, and I'm the first to tell them, "I don't like that on you... your boobs are spilling out, your torso looks too short, it makes you look like you have tummy pooch, the dress is dragging your boobs south..." as I poke and look at seams, construction, and styling details. I AM critical. They are paying for a dress that should look divine on them. Yes, I said "they" since I only fund $50 of the dress. They are responsible for the balance. When the dresses they're looking at run in the $300-$500 range, I expect a dress that will flatter them in every way. Near perfection, so to speak. They deserve to get a dress with the most bang for the buck. Some girls may not appreciate brutal honesty, but I think my girls appreciate the fact that I have their best interests at heart. They know I'm looking at the big picture
Now here's the part that really drives me insane! The sales ladies excitedly say, "Oh! That looks TERRIFIC on you!!!" They tend to be all smiley and sugary sweet. They are called sales people for a reason, and given my experiences they say every dress looks terrific. I want to scream, "WHAT?!?!" No, it does not! The girl that you are talking about is my daughter, and she does NOT look terrific in that dress." Experiences like this make me even grumpier. I quickly point out every figure issue that is going on and move on to the next dress. I hate sales clerks that that say what girls want to hear, rather than what they need to hear, to make the sale. It's not fair to the girls. However, when my girls put on *the* dress, I let them know it. There's always that one dress that reigns supreme. It stands out, it's beautiful, it flatters their figures, and it's a great color for them. It's an exciting moment and what's interesting is that we both seem to know it at the same time. I stand behind them while they look at themselves in the mirror. I place my hands at their waist, their hips, their shoulders, etc., and point out that all is right in the world of prom dress shopping and fitting. It's like a miracle lol. And when it happens, we just know we've found the one. That one right dress for the prom. I'm happy, they're happy, and whatever fitting details that need to be taken care of to perfect the fit will happen in my careful, stitch-happy hands.
So moms (and dads), go prom dress shopping WITH your daughters. Offer your input. Really look at the dress. Is it flattering? Is the style working for their figure type? Does it emphasize the positve and de-emphasize the negative? Is it the right color for their skin tone? Be honest. Eliminate genetic bias and look at them as just another girl looking for a pretty dress in just the right style and color for their figures. Be objective. Assist your daughters in keeping their emotions in check when picking out a dress. A gorgeous dress on the rack may not be gorgeous on their body. Their second or third choice dress might be just the one that looks totally fabulous on them in every way. Help them see the "big picture."
Once your daughter finds the right dress for her, do an alterations assessment. Does your daughter want or need something nipped in, let out, hemmed? What about the straps? Are they too long and need to be shortened? Bear in mind dresses with beads and sequins in alteration areas can get pricy. Price out everything so you know the total cost. Does the shop do alterations for free or do they charge. How much for each specific alteration? Do you know an independent seamstress that can do alterations?
Now I'm going to address the next issue of prom dress shopping which is Internet shopping. This is really tricky. All those dresses you see look fabulous on the models, but they are just that! 36/24/36 models. Their dresses probably have all sorts of things going on in the back or areas that you can't see. Dresses are pinned, clipped, nipped in, and secured to make those models look just right. Photoshopping helps make those dresses look perfectly smashing on the models too. The question is, is a particular dress going to look great on the girl purchasing it? Is it going to be the right size? What does the manufacturer recommend as the appropriate size given a set of measurements and the fit of the dress? Is it going to be the right length? Is the color true? Is it in stock? If it's out of stock, when will it be available and will there be enough time for alterations if necessary. If it doesn't fit, who can do the alterations? Worst case scenario--can it be returned? Internet shopping for a prom dress can be a crap shoot. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Please assist your daughters with dress choices on the Internet and be objective. Don't let emotions take precedence over choosing a style that not only looks terrific on the model, but looks terrific on the girl purchasing it.
In conclusion, there are so many things to think about during prom season. Having the perfect dress is very important for girls. So please help your daughters pick out the dress that is perfect for them. Tag along and have them keep their options open. Be honest with them about styles that flatter their figures. You are their best ally. Have fun with your daughters during this special time. Good luck and happy prom dress shopping!
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